Watch the very beautiful and helpful video on self-loathing by Emmy van Deurzen, one of the foremost existential thinkers of our time.
I really related to her description of how we develop self-loathing, in particular how we replicate the behaviour of “past” others towards ourselves. This means that we continue their unsupportive, neglectful, critical and undermining behaviour towards ourselves, even when they are not present. Behaviours associated with self-loathing include addictions, procrastination, avoiding dealing with life and more. She notes that when we can begin to offer ourselves love and support, even when we appear to be our most unlovable, we can start to get out of the spiral of self-loathing. I loved the way she asks how can you prevent “spoiling other peoples’ lives by the same negativity that has so harmed yours”. It’s worth the watch.
One book to buy for yourselves this year is Everyday Mysteries by Emmy van Deurzen. I have re-read it about five times and each time I get more from it.